2014…Get #Over It!!

I laughed so hard over this post from a colleague’s blog I just had to share it! Reposted with thanks to The Smutsonian, smutsonian.com, @shurrn. By the way, she loves to use li’l vines in her posts….

Welcome to the First Annual “Over It” List!

Yesterday The Smutsonian released a list of our Favorite Books of 2014 and we really enjoyed remembering the stories which stuck with us this year. Reminiscing about our favorite books also got us thinking about all of the things we’re tired of seeing in Erotic Literature.

These are elements, characters, or plot-points which are so obnoxious or over used that we’re simply #OverIt – We felt obligated to compile a list of those themes.

We never bash authors here at The Smutsonian, so we’re not going to name any authors, specific characters, books, or series… But be warned that there is about to be major shade thrown…

TOP FIVE THINGS WE’RE SO OVER:

While we acknowledge that there are exceptions to every rule, we are done reading books with the following elements. Even though Shurrn and the Guest Bloggers all have wildly different tastes, ALL of us agreed that were over these five things:

Women who are still virgins because they are smart

I could build a house out of the books I’ve read where the main female character was in college or getting an advanced degree and was too busy being intelligent to enjoy a dick… Maybe she was “too focused” or “never really noticed boys” – Well screw that. I speak from experience when I say that the nerdy girl buried in books at the library of your University will rock. your. world.

We’ve got no problem with deflowering the female MC, but we’re sincerely hoping that getting an education will stop being an excuse for celibacy. Let’s stop promoting the idea that a woman must choose between being sexual or being smart. She can be both. We’re #OverIt

Getting seduced by the boss who is into BDSM

Not all executives are looking to tie up their secretaries, but it would seem that the vast majority of the Fortune 500 companies are being run by kinky billionaires who can be saved by the power of love *rolls eyes* They’ve got dungeons, and NDAs, and before the book is over they will push the poor girl away because they’re incapable of falling in love… Thereby proving that they are in love. *rolls eyes again* Yep, we’re completely #OverIt

The good news is, we’ve discovered that these books identify themselves right in the blurb! It’s like a hackneyed mad lib, the story opens that _________ has been working her way up the corporate ladder at _________ Company where she’s been working for _________ – He’s a genius brilliant corporate executive and Adonis in a suit and tie. She will discover a secret about him that will change her life forever… And discover her submissive side in the process.

Low Self Esteem as a defining personality trait

Not all stories need to have a Happily Ever After, but they need to have at least one character we can root for or identify with. While no human is 100% insecurity free, I no longer have the patience to listen to (or read, rather) anyone who constantly talks about their flaws… A little bit goes a long way in the realm of self-deprecation. Readers love a flawed character who feels a little out of their element or unattractive at times… I think everyone can relate to that feeling sometimes… SOMETIMES.

That being said, any MC who constantly critiques themselves and questions why their love interest tells them they’re attractive… Or thinks that they’re lying to make them feel better… Yeah, we’re completely #OverIt

Self-Lubricating Assholes

Unless you’re writing about a particularly interesting species of alien… Assholes do not, will not, and should not lubricate themselves. I can’t believe I have to state the obvious by saying Assholes Are NotVaginas. Spit on it, lube it up, get creative… But for the love of sweet baby Jesus, stop writing magically self-lubricating assholes. It doesn’t work like that.

Teenagers

The rise of Young Adult Fiction has created a new crop of readers and authors who are focused on high school age characters. Good for them, but I won’t read about two teenagers tangling the sheets. Quit mixing Young Adult and Erotica. If the characters aren’t old enough to buy me a drink at a bar, I don’t want to hear about their genitals.

Well, there you have it, folks!
That’s the Top 5 ‘Over It’ List for 2014

See you next Year!

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